The Hallmark Movie Drinking Game

Christmas tree from music notes. Vector illustration

These are best followed with a group because you find yourself rooting for the cheesy things that this list makes fun of in these movies.  If you see an asterisk, there is a footnote at the bottom that explains. There are a couple of things that can overlap, for example: The “Hallmark Science” & “Christmas Miracle” can be the same thing. I can think of a few movies off the top of my head where this happened.   Without further ado… THE LIST!

  1. Main character is a single parent
  2. Ugly sweaters
  3. Annoying ex/current fiance/gf/bf
  4. It starts to snow
  5. Someone says Merry Christmas
  6. *6. Realization with clarinets
  7. Singing Christmas carols
  8. Flagrant tugging of heartstrings (oh no, all Timmy wants for Christmas is for his dad to come home!)
  9. Someone doubts the existence of Santa Claus
  10. Hallmark misunderstanding (I think you can figure out this one)
  11. Romantic Intervention by parents/relative
  12. Fake background
  13. A proposal
  14. Baking Christmas goods
  15. Getting snowed in
  16. Sassy best friend
  17. *17. Hot cocoa (I have a funny story about this one)
  18. Trying on Christmas outfits montage (bonus for sassy bf)
  19. Christmas Miracle (Timmy can walk again!!)
  20. Picking the runt tree on the lot
  21. *21. Santa!!
  22. Saying the name of the movie
  23. Obvious sponsors (I’m looking at you, Folgers)
  24. Sleigh bell sounds
  25. Acknowledge Judaism
  26. Hat rule (this was disastrous – never again. Google it)
  27. Sleigh ride
  28. *28. Hallmark science
  29. Corporate America being evil
  30. Michael Buble
  31. Fireplace cuddles

*6 Realization with clarinets – Basically whenever something quirky happens in the plot and the music reflects it with funny “doodly” phrases from reed instruments (it’s one of those “you know it when you hear it” things – you could always leave this one off if it is too weird?)

*17 Hot cocoa – our group gets really excited about this rule. One time, a character was clutching two coffee mugs while talking to another character, and everyone was gathered around the screen yelling “IS IT HOT COCOA? DO WE HAVE HOT COCOA??”, until finally, they said “oh, I brought you some hot cocoa.” The whole room erupted.

*21 Santa – We were watching Mariah Carey’s A Christmas Melody (which, by the way, fulfills almost all the items on this list). The movie opens with a bearded janitor cleaning at a school, and one of my friends declared “That’s Santa.” Lo and behold, at the end of the movie, we find out that that was, indeed, Santa!

*28 Hallmark Science. Whenever something defies the logic of time and physics because… Hallmark! But I suppose this could be combined with “Christmas Miracle”? Example: someone completes what should be a 10 hour drive (in snow), in 2 hours. (We have a couple science teachers in our group as well).

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